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10 Tips to Find a Sexuality Teacher You Can Trust

We need integrity from our teachers and guides to feel safe enough to explore our sexuality. NeoTantra is a wonderful way to empower your sexuality in a sacred way.

  • Want to learn NeoTantra but not sure where to start?

  • Excited about experiencing a Tantric massage and in search of the real deal?

  • Do you want to feel safe and know you can trust the person ​offering you a private session?

Tantra is a vast subject and at its core is a deeply spiritual practice that can include celebrating sex as an act of worship. In the West, most people practice NeoTantra which includes the celebration of conscious sexuality, using pleasure as a tool for transformation and empowerment. Tantrikas hold that everything including the body and sexual energy can be a vehicle for awakening.

Tantra is the new buzz word and there are lots of people out there who say they are offering Tantra. How do you find the real deal?

When you are exploring your sexuality in private sessions, group workshops and retreats, it is important to ensure that you're in good hands. Teaching NeoTantra requires training and an ongoing commitment to personal practice. Supporting people in exploring their sexuality is deep shadow work. Holding them through the range of ecstatic and tender places that arise requires integrity as well as substantial training and skill.

Ways to be sure the person is genuine and professionally trained:

1. Check out their credentials and where they studied. They should have a certificate(s) from accredited school(s). The best teachers have studied with a wide range of teachers.

2. Trauma training or at the very least be trauma-informed to hold a safe space and allow the participant(s) to take care of themselves and take breaks or leave the room if anything becomes overwhelming.

​3. Check out their website. If they are professionals they will have one even like any other reputable business​

4. Read testimonials from their other students. If they don't have those in writing, request some phone numbers for previous students that you can call for a referral.

5. Ask for a reference from other NeoTantra professionals you know about their experience and reputation. You can also google them to see if there are any complaints against the school or teacher.

6. Talk to them on the phone to get a better sense of what they are offering to be sure it meets your needs and expectations.

7. Trust your gut. If something feels off it probably is

Private sessions, workshops and retreats should be in service to you, not the teacher's own needs. Teachers should not be sleeping with their students due to the transference and power dynamic inherent in the teacher/student relationship. There is a huge difference in your experience and what is possible in a session with a professional compared to someone who is simply doing this for fun. Professionals have lots of experience dealing with a range of people and have hours of real-time experience navigating the complex waters of supporting people in exploring their sexuality.

If you are being offered a free session, ask why.

Most authentic NeoTantra professionals do this work full time. I know a handful of good practitioners who are retired from their jobs or who are doing NeoTantra as a second job and do not need to charge for their services. This is the exception rather than the rule. No therapist, doctor or lawyer would regularly offer their services for free. More likely if someone is offering you a free session they are new and wanting to practice or may simply be using this as an excuse to satisfy their own needs.

Red flags:

8. Boundary Pushing

Authentic NeoTantra practitioners can do everything they need to do with you fully clothed with energy. Share your boundaries at the beginning of the session and maintain those throughout.

9. Pressure to have sex during the session

Intercourse never needs to be part of a NeoTantra session. While hands-on work is very powerful, big shifts can happen with breath, energy and sounding alone. NeoTantra is not purely about sex.

10. No testimonials from previous students

While this work often requires confidentiality and discretion they should still be able to provide some testimonials from previous students either written or on the phone.

Most professional NeoTantra teachers have a range of ways they can support you. Many hands-on providers who are genuinely teaching NeoTantra also offer classes, workshops and retreats to give you lots of different ways to learn. Some have free material like blogs, YouTube videos and Facebook pages to support you along your path.

This blog was inspired by all the genuine people who are searching for an authentic NeoTantric experience. Here's to you finding the perfect teacher to support you on your path to wholeness, empowerment and ecstasy.

Caroline Carrington is an internationally-acclaimed NeoTantra Educator and Pleasure & Intimacy Coach inspiring people to live empowered lives across the US and around the world. She expands people’s experience of pleasure, intimacy and connection through relationships, energy play and dynamic meditation. Caroline loves building bridges between communities in the realms of NeoTantra, BDSM, Polyamory, and Bhakti Yoga. Caroline welcomes people of all genders, races and relationship styles and is LGBTQ+ friendly. She is passionate about walking NeoTantra out of the bedroom and into the world and bringing the sacred back into sexuality. Caroline is available for private sessions, experiential workshops and personalized intensives. She founded to offer retreats and NeoTantra Teacher Trainings with high integrity in a safely held container. Learn more about what she offers at

Connect with Caroline on Facebook and Twitter.

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